Why do we mind fuck ourselves? Why do we allow others to mind fuck us? Why do we mind fuck others?
It’s been a whirlwind month. A month where I have tried the hardest in a very long time to make something work. Where I have realized that I am not frozen. Where I have wondered if being frozen was probably better because at least there were no mind fucking games.
A month where I have challenged some personal values, and dived into something I would have never imagined doing. Where I am getting more comfortable with my body, and more comfortable with myself around others. Where I have wondered if I really did change enough to sustain the after effects of the leap I have taken.
Where I have had supreme confidence in my work, worked really hard, and apparently earned the respect of someone I had never imagined was capable of giving it to me. Only to have it shot in an instant by a realization that the respect was illusionary, the prejudice stronger.
A month where I have partied so hard after a long time, drunk parties, sensible parties, boat parties, and just merriment galore. Where I fell in love with a 4 year old, and found out it was requited love.
A month where I have felt homeless, yet safe in the bed of a stranger. Friendless yet people worrying about me to death. Like a bitch, yet with self perceived honesty in my actions.
A month where I have discovered I have girlfriends. So many, that care. Who listen, and talk back, and advise and get angry and really do give a damn!
A month where the possible ramifications of a decision made some months ago gets questioned everyday. Questioned by myself, my friends, my feelings and surprisingly my family.
A month where quite a few things changed. Finally! Now, if only the mind fucking would end.
